I have been wanting to updated this blog...really. It's always the same old thing. It's late, it's quiet and the last thing I want to do is type some lame ol' post about how our day went/what we've been up to/how my kids are sooooo cute/etc......
Then the fire. The fire that took the lives of one amazing women and her two beautiful children. Then I could no longer find the words to say what I have felt. Let me start at the beginning.
It was Saturday the 16th. I had just celebrated my 26th birthday. We had big plans that Saturday afternoon. We got a call around 8am and we ignored it. I came down around 9 to listen to the message, check email and get the kids breakfast.
It had stormed the night before. It was one of those storms that the waetherman stays on for. No shows, just satellite images and National Weather report updates. We went to bed around 12 and it seemed to be over.
As I listened to my friends voice on the answering machine that morning, I was a little confused. Something about getting the call around 5:30am.....not sleeping since...Wagoner family accident. I thought of the storm and maybe they had a tree fall on their property. A car accident. Then I checked my email.....
The Wagoner Family is one of those beautiful families. So kind and gracious. Leah was so full of life. We were not even good friends with them...but, she knew my name before I even knew her. Just full of life and ALWAYS smiling. Little Sophia was four and was the size of Nolan. She was the cutest thing with so much spunk. Harrison was seven.
The storm that past through here went through their town too. A small town about 30 minutes from here. I read that lightning hit a pole and traveled up to their house. The fire started in more than one place.
I can clearly remember the fear that overcame me when my car was burning and my children were still inside. I LEFT THEM TO GO GET HELP. Left them. What was I thinking?
I've heard that the smoke and fumes from a fire can overtake a room in a matter of minutes. Brian awoke at some point. Confused I am sure. Not fully awake, unable to see, brain starved for oxygen. He burned his hands trying to get out, trying to save his family. God chose this for him for a reason. I have faith that God has a big plan for his life. My heart aches for his loss.
In the days after, me and Jason talked a lot about it. Their grief, God's provision, their pain.
I've heard that the Wagnoner family was doing a family devotion on the book Heaven by Randy Alcorn. They were teaching their children about the very place they would be going. MY God is BIG.
I feel so inadequate to be sharing this. I didn't know them well. Never had a play date, never had the over. Leah was a MOPS mom, their family such a blessing to our church. Barley.knew.them. And yet, their lives and deaths have changes me forever.
This is where my words leave me.....God grant me the wisdom to say the things I need to.
Leah, Sophia and Harrison were believers. They believed that Jesus actually lived here on earth, died on the cross, and rose again. They believe that Jesus is alive in heaven on His throne. They have chosen to accept that they are sinners and that nothing they could do could earn their way into heaven. Nothing that they could do.....nothing. They had a personal relationship with him.
How many people go through life putting more thought in the car that they drive then where they are going when they die?
The bible is very clear. Jesus is the only way. You believe it or you don't. You just can't go through life expecting that you have another day. You are not guaranteed tomorrow.
Since the accident, I have been trying to put life into perspective. I always get so wrapped up in the moment. Always getting around to the things that need to be done now. I am already slipping back into old habits. Too tired to read my bible, to frustrated to continue devotions with the kids. Too wrapped up in myself to see what God is putting right in front of my face. Today is a gift that I surely take for granted.
I am struggling here. I know that God can use this tragedy to pull people to Him. I know it.
I just feel like I am preaching to you.
I don't mean too.
But I know that the people who read my blog know me. I can't help but fear for you. We all die. I just think that something that you know if going to happen....well, it should be thought about.
Choosing Christ is a choose. A choose you have to make. You either believe in who he says he is, or you don't. NOT making a decision is making a decision. He can't make a decision without the facts. Do you know the facts?
Ok, so what if I am wrong?? What if life just came from nothing and we are here and then we're gone and forgotten and all this doesn't really matter??? What if the bible is wrong? Jesus never lived and if he did he was just a really good liar?
I am not wrong. There is only one truth.
But, do you live life without ever seeking the truth? Ever thinking about eternal things? Too me, that's crazy. At least make an educated decision.
God will not crap your lifestyle. He brings joy, peace and love where other fail.
Think about, k?
